I’M FORMING MY OWN COUNTRY

Well, it’s come to pass. The day started badly with the Republicans’ apparent extraordinary loss of the Senate with the addition of two far-left entries to the ruling class. Then, to make matters worse, idiotic right-wing rioters (not due to make an appearance for weeks to months by my flawed prediction) gave the Left the ammunition it needed to label all Republicans/Trump supporters/conservatives as alt-right supporters of violence and a threat to democracy. Not that they haven’t been doing it already, just that they now have a real-world event to support their straw man stereotype. And they’re now in power. The last, unstable thread holding the nation together ironically may be Democrat Joe Manchin, who has committed himself to defending the filibuster and preventing court-packing. Otherwise we can expect two new blue states and 15 Supreme Court justices.

I’ve reached the conclusion there’s only one way out of this mess: I’m hereby ratifying the establishment of the United States of Puro. Since it doesn’t make sense to re-invent the wheel, I’m going to adopt the Constitution of the former United States of America, but institute a few changes.

  • In my country, installing anti-white racism as a cure for perceived or real anti-black racism is illegal.
  • Employing citizens in the government or private sector based on skin color, ethnicity, or sexual preference rather than competence is illegal.
  • Using the term equity in place of equality of opportunity or employing policies that promote equity at the expense of equal opportunity is illegal. Furthermore, all equity positions will be investigated to assure that public or private corruption is not at play.
  • Government subsidies are illegal.
  • Government bribery is illegal.
  • Terms of office exceeding three are illegal.
  • Legislation longer than 10 pages and that cannot be understood by someone with a 10th grade education or that contains items unrelated to the bill’s purpose is illegal.
  • Insider trading by public or private officials is illegal.
  • Programs that purport to combat prejudice by providing unearned advantages while implying that the recipients are incapable or inferior are illegal.
  • Laws that abrogate the right to own weapons of self defense are illegal.
  • Suspension of the right of free speech in the public or private domain, regardless of content, is illegal, if no call to violence is expressed.
  • The terms “microaggression” and “hate speech is violence” are illegal.
  • The term “diversity” can only be used in the context of ideas; it is otherwise illegal.

The boundaries of the United States of Puro at present only extend to the borders of my property. In the event of invasion, expect bodily injury. However, competent workers of any color, ethnicity or sexual preference are welcome here. If you wish to apply for citizenship, sorry, but our borders are currently closed. However, if you wish to open a country of your own, I’m open to free trade.

I’m signing off now to compose my national anthem. God bless.

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